


Maid for Pain

by mathes0n



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, F/M, Humanstuck, M/M, Stabdads, basically drake and josh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-28
Updated: 2014-03-01
Packaged: 2018-01-14 03:00:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1250260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mathes0n/pseuds/mathes0n
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aradia Medigo and Karkat Vantas are two soon-to-be stepsiblings, courtesy of their parents' engagement. As Karkat struggles to adjust to a new school in an unfamilar part of town, he comes to be friends with a variety of people ranging from Serket bad to Strider horrible. Though nothing is worse than the girl who calls him 'brother'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everybody! :) Thank you for taking time out of your schedule to look at my story, I appreciate it!
> 
> Special thanks goes out to tumblr user peejteej who made the suggestion for this awesome title, and tumblr user destroythepast, who was so awesome in helping me beta this fanfic!
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]\--

CG: HEY SHITSTAIN.  
CG: GET ONLINE THIS FUCKING INSTANT.  
CG: DAD’S BEING AN ASSBUCKET AND I NEED TO YELL AT SOMEONE BECAUSE IF I HOLD THIS SHIT IN ANY LONGER THEN I’M GOING TO EXPLODE WHICH WOULDN’T BE THAT FUCKING BAD SINCE EXPLODING WOULD BE QUICK AND PAINLESS AND A LOT FUCKING BETTER THAN WHAT’S GOING ON RIGHT NOW BECAUSE THE ABSOLUTE SHIT THAT I’M DEALING WITH IS FUCKING RIDICULOUS AND UNFAIR TO A TEENAGE YOUTH LIKE ME.  
CG: …  
CG: FINE DONT FUCKING TALK TO ME JUST LET ME WALLOW IN MY OWN SELF PITY YOU ASSBAG.  
CG: …  
CG: …  
CG: SOLLUX SHITWIPING CAPTOR IF YOU DONT COME ONLINE RIGHT NOW THEN I SWEAR TO GOD I AM GOING TO SMEAR HONEY ALL OVER YOUR COMPUTER AND UNLEASH AN ARMY OF THREE THOUSAND BEES. THREE THOUSAND. NOT TWO THOUSAND.  
CG: I KNOW HOW MUCH YOU LOVE YOUR ‘TWO’ BULLSHIT.  
TA: holy 2hiit KK.  
TA: hey iif youre gonna be an a22hole then ii can ju2t go.  
CG: WAIT   
CG: PLEASE DON’T  
CG: CAN YOU PLEASE JUST FUCKING LISTEN TO ME? DESPITE MY USUAL CONFIDENT AND COOL DEMEANOR I AM ACTUALLY REALLY UPSET RIGHT NOW OKAY??  
TA: u2ual confiident and cool demeanor.  
CG: SO YOU KNOW WHO DIAMONDS DROOG IS RIGHT?   
CG: APPARENTLY MY DAD AND HIM GOT ENGAGED.  
TA: ha, gay.  
CG: AND THEY’VE DECIDED THAT I WOULD BE A GREAT IDEA TO MOVE IN WITHOUT MY FUCKING PERMISSION.  
TA: 2o what your dad2 gay lover ii2 moviing iinto your 2hiitty apartment.  
CG: OTHER WAY AROUND DUMBSHIT. WE’RE MOVING IN WITH THEM.  
TA: them?  
CG: YEAH DROOG HAS A DAUGHTER OUR AGE.  
TA: hot.  
CG: KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS. THIS ISN’T HOT AT ALL YOU HORNY BAG OF FUCK. I DON’T WANT TO LIVE WITH A GIRL. GIRLS LIKE TALKING SHIT AND WHINING AND SPENDING HOURS IN THE BATHROOM.  
CG: I ALREADY DEALT WITH THAT SHIT WITH KANKRI BEFORE HE MOVED OUT FOR COLLEGE.  
CG: I CAN’T DO IT AGAIN.  
TA: iit2 ok KK.  
TA: iif your 2ii2ter2 hot then iill gladly take her off your hand2.  
CG: FIRST OF ALL SHITWAD SHE ISN’T MY FUCKING SISTER.  
TA: not yet anyway.  
CG: SHUT YOUR ASSFUCKING MOUTH.  
TA: heh heh.  
CG: SECOND OF ALL I DOUBT YOU’LL BE SEEING ME OR HER OFTEN AT ALL.  
TA: why the fuck not?  
CG: THIS ASSHOLE LIVES ON THE OTHER SIDE OF TOWN.  
CG: MEANING NEW TOWN NEW SCHOOL NEW FUCKING EXPERIENCES.  
TA: damn KK, that 2uck2.  
CG: FINALLY SOME SYMPATHY.  
TA: now ii have to work on our englii2h project alone.  
TA: how could you do thii2 to me.  
CG: AND THERE IT GOES FLYING OUT THE WINDOW ALONG WITH ANY SCRAP OF RESPECT I EVER HAD FOR YOU.  
TA: heh heh.  
CG: BUT SOLLUX YOU HAVE TO PROMISE ME SOMETHING.  
CG: EVEN THOUGH I LIVE ASS MILES AWAY CAN WE STILL HANG ON WEEKENDS AND STUFF? AFTER PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO YOU I’VE BECOME TOO MUCH OF AN ASSHOLE TO MAKE OTHER FRIENDS.  
TA: hmm.  
CG: ALSO I THINK DROOG’S PLACE HAS A POOL.  
TA: 2old.  
TA: dont worry KK ii wouldnt let you 2educe all the riich uptown ladiie2.  
CG: MY HERO.  
CG: YOUR CAR CAN MAKE THE DRIVE RIGHT?  
TA: yeah ii mean it2 a total piiece of 2hiit but ii think iit can manage, a2 you 2aiid, ‘a22 miile2.’  
TA: 2o when2 the biig move?  
CG: THIS WEDNESDAY.  
TA: 2hiit ii2nt that the la2t day of 2ummer break?  
CG: EEYUP.  
CG: OH FUCKING SHIT.  
TA: what?  
CG: KANKRI’S TRYING TO MESSAGE ME.  
TA: ha ha oh my god.  
CG: HE BETTER NOT GIVE ME SOME FUCKING LECTURE ON ‘BEING ACCEPTING’ AND ALL THAT SHIT. I’LL TALK TO YOU LATER OKAY?  
TA: 2ure thiing KK.  
TA: ju2t promii2e me one thiing.  
TA: dont become a riich a22hole.  
TA: ii cant fuckiing 2tand riich a22hole2.  
CG: WHATEVER. SEE YOU AROUND THOLLUX.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA] \--

Karkat: NOW BEFORE YOU START LECTURING ME PLEASE LET ME SPEAK.  
Karkat: WHATEVER DAD TOLD YOU, I HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG.  
Karkat: NOTHING.  
Karkat: I HAVE BEEN AN ANGELIC SAINT AND THIS ISN’T EXACTLY EASY ON ME IN THE FIRST PLACE.  
Karkat: SO HOLY SHIT PLEASE DON’T LECTURE ME ON THIS ALRIGHT.  
Kankri: I am n9t g9ing t9 lecture y9u.  
Kankri: Als9 watch y9ur mouth. Y9u 9f all pe9ple kn9w h9w that makes me feel.  
Karkat: YEAH WHATEVER.  
Karkat: LETS JUST GET THIS OVER WITH OKAY?  
Karkat: I’VE GOT PACKING TO DO.  
Kankri: I d9n’t appreciate y9ur apprehensive 6ehavi9r 6ut I s9pp9se that I will take what I can get.  
Kankri: As y9u kn9w, we were b9th were ad9pted at a y9ung age by Spades Slick and have never experienced a h9useh9ld with tw9 parents.  
Kankri: I am als9 aware that Mister Dr99g has a daughter, and y9u seem t9 be…less than capable s9cially.  
Kankri: As f9r the neigh6orh99d that y9u will be living in, it is n9thing like y9u have -- 9r either 9f us -- have 6een exp9sed to gr9wing up. It may pr9ve t9 6e extremely 9verwhelming f9r y9u.  
Kankri: Y9u have pr9ven y9urself n9t t9 be h9m9ph96ic, as y9u had n9 pr96lem with my relati9nship with an9ther male, s9 keep in mind that I am n9t w9rried that you will give Dad 9r his partner a hard time f9r this. I als9 d9 n9t think y9u are a 6ully, s9 my c9ncerns are n9t aimed at Mister Dr99g’s daughter either. They are aimed at y9u.  
Karkat: STOP RIGHT THERE.  
Karkat: I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE GOING TO SAY.  
Kankri: Y9u d9?  
Karkat: WELL YEAH IT’S FUCKING OBVIOUS ISN’T IT?  
Karkat: YOU’RE WORRIED THAT I’M GOING TO MAKE AN ASS OF MYSELF DUE TO ALL THIS FUCKING PRESSURE GOING ON.  
Karkat: AND YEAH IT’S WEIGHING DOWN ON ME, I WON’T DENY THAT.  
Karkat: AND IT FUCKING SUCKS AND I HATE IT.  
Karkat: BUT WHAT ELSE CAN I DO BUT BE HAPPY FOR DAD, RIGHT?  
Karkat: I’LL KEEP ALL MY PROBLEMS TO MYSELF BECAUSE THIS ISN’T ABOUT ME AND SHIT.  
Karkat: AND I KNOW THAT, SO WHAT THE FUCK EVER. I’LL BE ALL SMILES AND SUPPORT AND KEEP A FUCKING JOURNAL IN MY ROOM TO WRITE DOWN ALL MY ISSUES SO THAT I WON’T TAKE IT OUT ON OTHER PEOPLE.  
Karkat: BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, IT ISN’T FUCKING ABOUT ME.  
Karkat: I DON’T NEED YOU TO REMIND ME OF THAT.  
Karkat: I’LL BE GOOD.  
Karkat: ARE WE DONE HERE?  
Kankri: W9w.  
Kankri: I made a mistake.  
Kankri: I sh9uld have n9t let y9u speak bef9re I was finished.  
Karkat: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?  
Kankri: I 6elieve that it w9uld be t99 unhealthy f9r s9me9ne like y9u t9 keep all 9f this in. It is n9t a healthy envir9nment f9r any gr9wing teenager, especially n9t you.  
Karkat: CONGRATS KANKRI. FUCKING TEACHER SCHOOL IS SHAPING YOU UP NICELY.  
Kankri: H9w w9uld y9u feel ab9ut living with Cr9nus and I?  
Karkat: WAIT.  
Karkat: WHAT.  
Karkat: WITH YOU GUYS? IN PENNSYLVANIA?  
Kankri: Unless 9ur apartment magically m9ved states, then yes.  
Karkat: WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MY BROTHER? LAST I CHECKED HE WASN’T A MIRACLE WORKER SASS MASTER.  
Kankri: Shush, y9u.  
Kankri: Cr9nus and I talked ab9ut it since we heard a69ut the news. As l9ng as y9u g9t a j9b, and Cr9nus says that he c9uld put in a g99d w9rd f9r y9u at the rec9rd sh9p, and keep y9ur grades at an excepti9nal level, then y9u’re welc9me to stay with us.  
Karkat: I.  
Karkat: WOW.  
Karkat: I HONESTLY WASN’T EXPECTING THIS.  
Karkat: HOLY SHIT.  
Karkat: THATS ACTUALLY REALLY COOL OF YOU.  
Karkat: BUT I THINK I’M GOING TO PASS.  
Kankri: Are y9u sure?  
Karkat: I MEAN I SAY THAT NOW WHILE I’M SO HIGH AND MIGHTY AND I MIGHT BE CRYING FOR YOU IN LIKE A MONTH.  
Karkat: BUT I’VE STILL GOT SOLLUX AND FRIENDS AROUND AND I’M NOT READY TO LEAVE THEM YET.  
Karkat: BESIDES THERE’S PROBABLY GOING TO BE A KICKASS WEDDING AND IF I DON’T GET TO HELP PLAN IT THEN I’M PISSING ON EVERYTHING.  
Kankri: I understand.  
Kankri: But if it gets t99 9verwhelming, Karkat, please d9n’t hesitate t9 message me.  
Kankri: And remember that the sch99l c9unsel9r is y9ur friend.  
Karkat: YEAH WHAT FUCKING EVER.  
Kankri: Language, Karkat.  
Karkat: UGH.  
Karkat: BUT SERIOUSLY KANKRI.  
Karkat: THANKS.  
Karkat: I DO MEAN IT.  
Kankri: I kn9w.  
Kankri: Bef9re y9u leave, Cr9nus is relaying a message.  
Kankri: He says that his y9unger 6r9ther is starting to attend sch99l in the area this year and that it’s likely that y9u might run int9 him.  
Karkat: GOOD, I’LL KEEP MY EYE OUT FOR HIM AND THEN AVOID HIM LIKE THE PLAGUE.  
Kankri: Karkat! Y9u have n9 idea what 9ppurtunities y9u w9uld find y9urself with if y9u just 9pened up a little m9re!  
Karkat: PACKING NOW, GOODBYE KANKRI.


	2. Internal Monologue

“Kankri called me.”

“...”

“He told me about the offer he gave you. I told ‘em that I’d be okay with it. If you made that choice and all.”

“...”

“Think you’ll actually really like their house. Droog’s place, I mean. They’ve got a flat screen TV and everything. You like video games, don’t you?”

“...”

“...look, are you alright? You haven’t said a wo--”

“M’tired.”

“Ah.”

Your name is Karkat Vantas and you just saw the last of your shithole apartment today. It looked strange with all the posters ripped off the walls and furniture packed away to be sold. It was cleaner than you remembered, at least since Kankri left. You always thought you’d be ecstatic to leave your shithole apartment to live in a three story house with a pool in the rich part of town, but for some reason, you just feel kind of sick. As you left the bare apartment earlier that morning with your things, all you wanted to do was say goodbye. It was your shithole and it’s all you’ve known since you were little.

Your dad works with three other guys, you know, but Diamonds Droog is the only one who lives in the rich part of town. You know the other two guys way better; when you were kids, Dad always left you to play with their kids, Tavros Nitram and Sollux Captor. You never liked Tavros; him and his dad moved further into the city a few years ago. With a scowl, you consider the possibility of him going to your new high school.

Sollux, though, Sollux and you clicked instantly. Something about your loud and violent tendencies and his sharp and brutal tongue seemed to mend perfectly. Even though you’ll never say it out loud, he’s your best friend and you don’t know what you’d do without him. You suspect that he feels the same way, but you will never know for certain. Your relationship was never about words. It was about inner workings and subtle gestures, like when you chilled with him at the ice cream parlor when his date never showed up, or when he stole your slow ass computer for a night to delete all viruses and make it relatively less ‘slow ass’. He was your bro.

For a good chunk of his life, you spent most of his time with Tavros and Sollux, but none of this ‘girl’. You recall seeing Diamonds Droog only a few times in your life, occasionally visiting Dad to talk about adult stuff. Hearts Boxcars and Clubs Deuce were around almost as much as Dad was, as usually, one of them would watch you kids at a time. Diamonds Droog never babysat you guys, he never really acknowledged your presence, and he certainly never introduced you to any ‘daughter’. You wonder what she could possibly be like, then you cease to care.

You stare at your phone, feeling queasy again. It’s too early in the morning to message Sollux about your pain and struggles, but you have a feeling that he would just make fun of you if you did. There’s no one else you really want to text. The only person who might offer you some actual sympathy and maybe some advice is Nepeta Leijon, and you don’t have her number or trollian. Part of you regrets not talking to her before you left. She’d be devastated when Sollux told her tomorrow, on their first day of school.

Oh, right. Who’s fucking bright idea was it for you to move into a new house the fucking day before school starts again? You hate change, and you weren’t going to adjust to this new house for awhile. One day to adjust to the house, two days to adjust to the school, and the rest of your teenage life to adjust to this fucking lifestyle of the rich and annoying. It’s just going to be one anxiety inducing incident to another, you just know it.

You plug in your earphones to listen to your music so that you won’t feel guilty about not talking to Dad. You aren’t mad at him, you’re just mad about everything that’s happening, though you really have no proper way of conveying that. And you really are tired. You woke up at six to leave and you’ve been sitting in this car for an hour already. Laying your head against the window, you close your eyes and wrap up your inner monologue. Eventually, you do fall asleep.

\--

“Get up.”

You force yourself to open your eyes. You were more tired than before you fell asleep, and that was utter bullshit.

As you stretch, you realize that Dad was already outside, grabbing as many bags as he could from the trunk. Dad was an impatient man and you figure that you’d be a happier person if you went and helped him.

You step out of the car and take a moment to stare up at your new home and holy fucking shit what is this. You knew that he lived in the richer areas of town, but you had no idea that you were going to be living in some White House looking bullshit. Three stories high, large front lawn, and fucking pillars -- pillars -- on their porch. You feel sick again. It takes you a minute or two to tear your eyes away from the fucking mansion in front of you so you can help Dad unpack.

“Ain’t this great?” He’s holding four bags, two in his hands and one under each armpit. Between the both of you, you don’t own all that much, so you are left only having to carry two bags as you start walking up towards your new home. There’s a ways to walk, and Dad keeps talking. “See, between the four of us, we always made the same money. But Diamonds, he’s the smart one, he used it wisely, so that’s why he’s livin’ on top.”

You hear the excitement in his voice and for a few moments, you don’t understand why. With a jolt, you remember that he’s moving in with his fiance. Of _course_ he’d be excited, dammit! Feeling guilty, you decide to at least make an effort to speak. “That’s cool,” you say. 

He seems to appreciate your attempt at conversation, and finishes up with, “Damn straight its cool, boy. He’s heard all sorts a things about you.”

You have no energy to ponder what ‘things’ he’s heard, and soon, you two are standing on the front porch. With some maneuvering, Dad manages to ring the doorbell. You two stand in the chilly summer morning, one of the signs of the colder weather. You hate the cold, but that’s the least of your worries right now. In seconds, Diamonds Droog answers the door.

Compared to Hearts, Clubs and even Dad, Diamonds Droog looks far too professional for his own good. A tall, pale Japanese man, he’s got sharp cheekbones and narrow eyes that take one look at their bags before frowning. “I could have helped you carry up your bags.”

“No need, Diamonds! Me n’ Karkat here got it, right?” You know that it’s your cue to say something, but you’re too busy staring at him. If Dad paled in comparison to him, then you were nothing to look at. Tan and freckly, unruly black hair, baggy black hoodie, and lines under your eyes from lack of sleeping. Finally, you force your mouth open to say “Yeah”.

“He looks tired,” Diamonds sympathizes, and he takes the bags you were holding before leading you inside, and you find yourself following, knowing that Dad was following close behind you. You’re too exhausted to examine your surroundings and you tell yourself that you’ll take your own personal tour of the place once you’ve rested.

Your room is on the second floor, and you bury yourself into the comforter on the bed the moment you can. Dad starts to speak -- “We’ll be in the kitchen if you need us, it’s on…” -- but you block it out, falling back asleep already. This bed is more comfortable than any bed you remember sleeping in, and for the first time since you heard the news, your exhausted process of thought thinks that this is going to be great.


	3. The Plot Thickens, Probably

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kind comments!

When you wake up, your first instinct is to panic. Different room, different bed, different atmosphere; you hate different.

You force yourself to sit up and sunshine nearly blinds you. You realize that one of the walls in this room is a giant fucking window, no curtains or anything. This is complete and utter bullshit and as soon as you find out where you are, you’re gonna--

Oh shit, that’s right. This is your new room. And you fucking hate it already.

The walls are grey and bare. You figure once you start putting up your movie posters, it would feel a little more like home. Upon sitting up, you realize that other than your bed and a wardrobe, the bedroom is completely empty. Your room in the shithole apartment was way smaller than this, but at least it didn’t remind you of the prison’s visiting rooms that you’ve been in to visit Dad on multiple occasions. And at least the guards were friendly, familiar faces after the fourth visit. Nothing about this place was familiar to you.

Your phone isn’t in your pocket, or anywhere on your person. This makes you angry because you _need_ to rant to Sollux about these white collar pricks. Who even has bedrooms this big? Bedrooms this big to spare _just in case your gay lover and his son move in?_

Damn these rich people.

You force yourself to your feet and see that your suitcase is by the door, and after some minutes of rummaging, you can’t find your phone in it. Instead, you accomplished scattering your clothes and other various objects across one small portion of your room. You’re not cleaning that shit up. It makes the room a little more livable. And it would show Droog that you’re not one to comb your hair back and wear a sweater vest and go to the opera, or whatever rich people did.

When you leave your room, you actually take the time to look around and ‘admire’ the house. The hall walls are an ugly salmon color, with some fancy white border to really emphasize the vomit-colored walls. As you expect of any rich household, there are large pictures across the walls with ridiculously expensive frames, especially those of Diamonds Droog and Diamonds Droog-looking family members.

Two catch your eye in particular.

The first one is of Dad and the gang, looking significantly younger. About ten years younger, you think? Dad doesn’t have his eyepatch in this picture, and you note with amusement that him and Droog are on completely opposite sides of the picture. Did they know that they were going to be engaged and living together this long ago? Hearts Boxcars has a hand on both of their shoulders, and you can see the Tavros in his grin. Clubs Deuce is standing in front of them, barely reaching Dad’s elbows. For perhaps the millionth time in your life, you wonder how such a small and bubbly looking man could possibly be Sollux’s father. The bottom of the frame has an engraving, you notice; ‘The Midnight Crew’, in thick, black cursive. You make a mental note that Droog is the only one not smiling in this picture. 

The second picture must have been taken much earlier, because Droog looks younger and way happier. He’s with a woman and a child who look almost identical, right down to the hair-do. They’re also Japanese, but their chins are sharp, unlike Droog’s angular jawline. The woman reminded him of a snake; she had thin red lips and almond shaped eyes that weren’t quite brown, but they weren’t quite red either. The girl didn’t look older than seven and her only feature that seemed to be Droog’s was her narrow, calculating eyes that looked weird on a girl her age. You wonder if she’s the girl that you’ll be stuck living with, but Droog looks too young for that to be possible. She must be your roommate’s older sister -- and yes, you were definitely going to call her your ‘roommate’ instead of your ‘stepsister’ or anything like that. You make a mental note that Droog is the only one smiling in this picture.

Spiral stairs with a bronze railing separate the second and first floors, and maybe if you were in less of a shity mood, you’d consider sliding down the railing. Instead, you opt for miserably shuffling down the stairs, and the door is right there. It’s bigger than you remember; it seemed to fit Diamonds Droog so well. You’d need to stand on your own shoulders to reach the top. You push the door open and the front yard stretches out in front of you. It tooks significantly different than the early morning. The grass is greener and buzzing with insects and it makes your head throb. The walk to the parking lot is long enough without some asshole bees giving you shit.

You only have to walk halfway until you realize that Dad’s car isn’t there.

On your walk back to the house, you were stung by a bee twice on the same ankle. You’re actually relieved to get back inside because the sun is hot and you burn easily. You hate the elements and the elements hate you, and that’s how it’s always been.

Where in the _fuck_ was Dad?

The kitchen. That’s what he said this morning, right? He’s in the kitchen. Great. And where the fuck was that? In the shithole apartment, it was just a corner of the living room, which was an extension of Dad’s bedroom. And part of you really, really doubted that applied here. You figured that you had no choice but to find it yourself.

The hunt was on.

“Dad!” You call loudly, unease dripping down your spine as you hear your voice echo a little, even more so when no one responds. You decide to make this easier and search the house in sections. As far as your knowledge on kitchens went, they were generally on the first floor, so you think, you hope, you _pray_ that this won’t take long. Standing in front of the stairs, you see that it splits the first floor in two. This would make your search easier. You start with the left half and _holy shit on a thick fucking dick._

Your brain tells you it’s a living room, but your _heart_ tells you that such a mundane title as ‘living room’ is undeserving. For one thing, this room ditches the filthy salmon red color and goes for a fiery red. You personally don’t like bright colors, but this one _speaks_ to you. It’s subtle enough to not blind you but it’s bright and loud enough to tell you ‘HELLO WORLD, I’M FUCKING ANGRY’. You know, just like you.

But the wallpaper color wasn’t the best part. Oh, no, not by a long shot.

Dad wasn’t kidding about that flat screen. You repeat that in your head because you just can’t wrap your head around it; _Dad wasn’t kidding about that mother fucking flat screen._ You failed at math so you’re not even going to try to guess the size in inches, but what you do know is that it sits in the middle of the wall like a beacon of hope. Like the star that led the three kings to the birth of Jesus Christ. Under the star was an assortment of gifts for the son of god, that being every gaming console that Karkat could possibly imagine. There were shelves upon shelves of games that belonged to each console, and -- do you see movies? They better have some good movies here, though if they don’t, you have some of the best movies ever in your bag that you intend to add to the shelves.

In front of the TV, there were three bean bags of different color, each of them looking dented and overused. There’s a fourth one thrown off to the side, neglected from the lack of use, but looking in better condition. Behind them is a large, comfortable looking couch. The entire floor was coated with fluffy rug, and all you want to do is take off your ratty sneakers and sink your toes into it before playing every game imaginable.

Sollux would fucking faint if he ever saw this room.

Remembering your asshole of a friend makes you scowl. You don’t have time to play these games, though your heart aches to. You need to find Dad, and by extension, your phone. Then you can brag about this to him. And damn are you going to brag about this to him. Knowing that Dad wasn’t in this room -- he’d probably accidentally break all these ‘shitty new electronics’ if he was -- you force yourself to leave.

You wander over to the right half of the first floor, wondering if it could possibly compare to the living room. It would have to be a fountain of eternal youth or a unicorn barn to even _try_ to compare to what your virgin eyes had just witnessed. You aren’t disappointed when you see that the room isn’t impressive in comparison, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less.

You visited a bar for the first time a few years back. Dad was in jail and Kankri was in charge, so when he had to pick up Cronus from the bar after a nasty bar fight, he had no choice but to drag you along. You barely got a glimpse as Kankri made it _very_ clear that you weren’t to come in, but you saw enough to know that the right half of the first floor looked just like that bar.

The walls were dark green, like the pool table that was in the middle of the room. There was a bar table and a row of stools, and a few tables scattered about. The walls were covered in those old timey light-up signs and posters of black-and-white ladies in dresses that might have been considered scandalous fifty years ago. Upon further investigation, you find that there’s nothing behind the bar table, though you know that there’s alcohol stored away somewhere in this house.

Not that you’d drink it. Shit’s nasty.

You figure that this room must be where Droog gets all his business done; inviting over various coworkers and discussing various matters in this old timey bar. You actually don’t know exactly what Dad or Droog do for a living, but you figure that the less you know about it, the less likely you’ll end up at the bottom of the ocean.

Well, shit. No Dad on the first floor. No kitchen for that matter. Where the fuck was the kitchen? And where the fuck was Dad? And where the fuck was your phone?

You go up the spiral stairs and squint as you look around the second floor again. The salmon color is still there, but it’s made even worse after witnessing the previous two rooms. It’s just an ugly salmon hallway with framed pictures and four doors. At the end of the hallway was the second set of spiral stairs to the third floor. The door to your room is still open, and after peaking in for a second, you see that Dad isn’t there. It would have been easy to pick him out in such a bland room. One door leads to the bathroom and the other two doors are locked, and since you get no response to loudly banging on both of them, you figure that Dad isn’t in them either.

Which only leaves the third floor. You wonder what kind of dumb kitchen is on the third floor. Unless there’s some sort of magical invisible fourth floor that only rich people own, or maybe it’s in the basement, because fire hazards aren’t a thing when you have money. The possibilities were just fucking endless!

You just wanted to tell Sollux about how much this place sucked and then spend the rest of your last day off playing video games in the living room. Was this too much to ask? You certainly think not.

You drag your feet up to the third floor, and you see a kitchen. And Dad isn’t there. _Great_.

It’s a hell of a kitchen, though, you’ll admit that much. Above it is a tilted glass ceiling, and everything about it is clean and pristine. It’s very white except for the wooden bowl full of fruit -- of _course_ there’d be a wooden bowl full of fruit -- and even the tiles seem to shimmer in the sunlight. It’s almost hard to look at, really, so you turn away and before you know it, you’re face to face with _her_.


	4. Seafood

_It’s a hell of a kitchen, though, you’ll admit that much. Above it is a tilted glass ceiling, and everything about it is clean and pristine. It’s very white except for the wooden bowl full of fruit -- of_ course _there’d be a wooden bowl full of fruit -- and even the tiles seem to shimmer in the sunlight. It’s almost hard to look at, really, so you turn away and before you know it, you’re face to face with_ her.

Actually, ‘face to face’ is a nice way of putting it; she’s got a couple of inches on you. When you look forward, your eyes only see her chin. You have to step back and look up to actually see her almond shaped eyes that weren’t quite brown, but they weren’t quite red either.

Anyway, onto _her_.

You see the Droog in her immediately. Unlike the child in the picture you saw, her jaw is angular, and her black hair hair is long and bushy, like a surprised cat was attached to her head. Her red lips are thin like the woman’s, and she’s smiling. The way she smiles at you makes you feel unnerved. She’s either really excited about something, or she’s going to eat you. 

“Hi!” She says. She’s still smiling, and you wonder if you’re supposed to smile back. You do not smile back. You will not smile back. Who did she think she was? She sticks out her hand, and you stare at her red nail polish for a moment before remembering that you weren’t a total asshole, you give her hand a shake. She grins wider.

“Hi,” she says again. “I’m Aradia! Droog’s daughter!” You pull your hand back first, so her arm hangs to your side. She’s got thin limbs and knobby elbows, and you think her knees are knobby too, though a long skirt hid your view from them. As you consider her -- Aradia’s -- knees, she prompts you, “And you are…?”

“Kankri.” _Shit_. You panicked. No, wait, you’re still panicking. You hate being forced to socialize with people. “Slick’s daughter.” _...shit._ “Son. I mean son.”

She giggles at you, and it makes you want to crawl into a hole and die. The next few moments drag before she speaks again. “Okay, Kankri, welcome to my home! Would you like a tour? The layout of the house can get really confusing.”

“No.”

“Okay! Do you want something to eat? I mean, it’s almost suppertime, but--”

_Wait._ “What?” You’re staring at her. Not once through this conversation has her smile faltered and it kind of scares you. It almost makes you want to be an utter douchebag, just to see if she can frown at all. 

“It’s already five in the afternoon, Sleeping Beauty!” When you are an old man, when you watch your grandchildren play in the front yard while you and your husband reminisce about the past, years after Aradia’s death, you will recall that the moment you really started to hate her, and that is the moment when she calls you _Sleeping Beauty_. However, where you currently stand as a sixteen year old who knows nothing about the world, you’re just shocked about the damn time.

“You’re shitting me,” you tell her. After all, while you did have a lot of karma to make up for, you’re sure that the Fates aren’t _so cruel_ that they’d make you sleep in until afternoon on the last day of summer break. Your bedtime on school nights was ten, and that meant that you only had five hours left of your precious break.

She’s still smiling. You frown at her, as if she had personally wronged you.

“Anyway, are you hungry, Kankri? I mean, I’m no chef but I think I could whip you up something if you’d like!”

“No. I’m not fucking hungry.” Your stomach tears itself apart as a result of that statement. You haven’t eaten shit all day, but you didn’t want to eat in this house yet. 

She shrugs. “Okay. Our dads are taking us out to eat soon.”

“How do you know? They aren’t here.” You’re being defensive.

“They told me before they left!” She’s still smiling.

“Where did they _go_?”

She shrugs again. Her shoulders are pointy, you realize, and you don’t like it. “I think they’re picking up furniture. Do you need them for something? Want me to call them?”

“No fucking thank you.” You’re already walking away. You’re not sure whether you’re going to lock yourself into your room or spend the rest of your life in the living room, but either way, you want to get away from Aradia. She’s perky, but other than that, there isn’t much to her. She’s bland and predictable -- kind of nice, you guess, but boring. You walk down the stairs, and once you hear footsteps behind you, you quickly steer into your room and lock the door. The hot sun is burning through the window and it’s kind of unbearable. 

Her footsteps stop in front of your door, and you stand there like an idiot. “Kankri?” She knocks on your door a few times and you don’t make a move. She huffs, and says, “I know you’re in there, silly!” You tense, and you swear that you feel your left eye twitch a little. A slip of paper slides under your door, and written on it was a long line of numbers and letters. “That’s the wifi password! I’ll see you later, alright?” You wait until you hear her footsteps patter away before grabbing the card off the floor and getting your laptop from your bag. This would work even better than texting Sollux, you think. Now all of your problems are over for now.

In roughly ten minutes, your computer is started up and you’re connected to the internet. Things are looking up for you now. After testing the internet for a few minutes to make sure it was fast -- and good _damn_ was it faster than any internet you’ve used before -- you log onto trollian, and to your luck, Sollux is already online. It’s 5:32, you’re fully rested for once, and you had plenty time to rant to Sollux about how terrible your life was.

You barely write a single word before someone’s banging on your door. 

If Aradia thought that she could bother you any time she wanted, then she had another thing coming. “What the _fuck_ do you WANT?” You demand loudly.

“Oi, watch your fuckin’ mouth, kid,” Dad answers, and you bite your tongue. Oops. “And put something nice. We’re going out for dinner.”

You’re hot with embarrassment, and angrily, you slam your laptop shut. Naturally he shows up as soon as you stop looking for him.

You pick out a dress shirt and black pants from your pile of clothing and change. You consider brushing your hair, but you don’t. You’re going to rebel as much as humanly possible. You also put on your dirty sneakers in the hopes that Droog would take one look at you and never let Dad take you out to dinner again.

Though once you’re downstairs, and Droog is quirking a judgemental brow at you, you suddenly feel hot with shame. At his side was Aradia, who wore a black dress that you think looks awkward on her, if Project Runway taught you anything about fashion. She’s still grinning, too; she reminds you of those portraits of people whose eyes follow you wherever you go. Except she’s real, and somehow, that makes it even creepier.

“Hi, Kankri!” She gives you a wave as Droog gives her an odd look. 

“Aradia, you’ve never _met_ Kankri. That’s Karkat’s older brother,” Droog say, sounding sophisticated and confused at the same time. You are suddenly hot with embarrassment, and you just can imagine how hard Droog, Dad, Aradia, fucking _Kankri_ would laugh when they shared this story. The feeling melts away in deep relief when Aradia frowns in confusion and gives a quiet “oh…”.

She really is dumber than you thought previously.

“Hey, kid,” Dad says from behind you. You turn and your shoulders sag in relief when you see that Dad looks just as rugged and shitty as you do. He’s got a wrinkled suit on, and he’s wearing his black hat over his curly black hair. You want to turn around again and see what type of look Droog is giving _him_ , but you never get the chance. To your delight, Dad is holding out your phone. “Found this while we were out.”

You press the on button. The ‘dead phone’ symbol blinks a few times before your phone shuts off again.

Figures.

“Great, thanks, Dad. I’m gonna plug this in upstai--”

“I have reservations, we have to go _now_.” Droog sounds like he’s snarling. You miserably follow Dad outside. You notice that Aradia does a little skip with each step and for some reason, it makes you inexplicably angry. Droog speaks as you all walk, “Our car is in the shop, so we’ll be taking your car, Spades. I expect that you’ll be driving.”

“Why the fuck can’t you?” The words come out before you can stop them.

Dad’s head turns so fast that you think that a demon suddenly possessed him for the full effect of dramatic head-turning. “Watch your mouth, you piece of shit,” he snaps. At the same time, Droog answers smoothly, “I can’t drive stick and my car is in the shop.” Dad keeps his eyes on you until you humbly lower your head and murmur, “Sorry.” _Sorry that you’re a whiny bitch._

Dad unlocks the car and opens the back door for you and Aradia. “Alright, kids, get in,” he says, and you don’t think he’s mad at you anymore. Dad’s never mad for too long. Aradia gets in first, and again, words flow out of your mouth before you can try to even think of stopping them. “I get carsick when I sit in the back.”

Droog knows you’re lying, Dad knows you’re lying, and you’re staring them both down for a few moments. Droog’s eyes meet yours for a few moments before he turns to Dad. “Is it true?” And to your surprise, Dad shrugs and answers, “What can I say? The kid has a real weak stomach. Don’t want ‘em puking all over my car.”

You’re not sure if Droog agrees with Dad or just accepts it, but either way, he’s getting in the back with his daughter. You shoot Dad a grateful look, but he’s already walking to the front seat. “C’mon, kid, it’s an hour drive and I don’t wanna wait.”

_An hour drive_. The words send chills down your spine, and you take one last breath of fresh air before you get into the car.

 

 

 

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA] \--

CG: THANK GOD YOU’RE STILL ONLINE.  
TA: kk iit’s almo2t miidnight ii am liiterally ju2t about 2 log off and go two 2leep.  
CG: DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE. I JUST HAD THE WORST DAY OF MY FUCKING LIFE AND IF I DON’T TALK TO YOU ABOUT IT THEN I’LL HAVE TO TALK TO KANKRI AND YOU KNOW THAT KANKRI IS PROBABLY ASLEEP ALL READY WITH HIS SHITDICULOUS SCHEDULE AND IF I CAN’T TALK TO HIM THEN I HAVE TO TALK TO DAD AND HE’S PROBABLY MAKING OUT WITH HIS OBNOXIOUS WHITE COLLAR HUSBAND RIGHT NOW AND IF I CAN’T TALK TO HIM THEN THERE’S ONLY ONE PERSON LEFT THAT I CAN TALK TO AND THAT’S DROOG’S TERRIFYING DAUGHTER AND YOU ARE NOT GOING TO PUT ME THROUGH THAT BECAUSE WE JUST WENT TO A SEAFOOD PLACE AND YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT SEAFOOD SO I HAD TO BE THAT WEIRD KID WHO ORDERED FUCKING CHICKEN FINGERS AND WE WERE THERE FOR TWO HOURS AND THE SMELL NEARLY MADE ME PASS OUT AND DAD SAID IT TOOK AN HOUR TO DRIVE THERE AND BACK BUT IT REALLY TOOK AN HOUR AND A HALF AND THATS FIVE HOURS OF AWKWARD CONVERSATION AND PRETENDING TO BE ASLEEP THAT I WILL NEVER GET BACK SOLLUX CAPTOR.  
CG: SO YOU. ARE GOING. TO TALK TO ME.  
TA: ok jeez iill 2tay onliine for a few more miinute2.  
CG: FUCKING GOOD.  
TA: 2o fiir2t thiing2 fiir2t ii2 2he hot.  
CG: NO.  
TA: damn.  
TA: kk why do ii even a2k you the2e quesiion2 you don’t even liike giirl2.  
CG: WE’RE GETTING OFF TOPIC HERE.  
CG: THE POINT IS THAT SHE’S AWKWARD, ANNOYING, AND KIND OF CREEPY.  
TA: iin what way.  
CG: ON THE RIDE TO THE SEAFOOD PLACE SHE WAS TELLING US ABOUT HOW SHE USED TO LOOK IN THE BACKYARD FOR ANIMAL SKELETONS.  
CG: SHE SNORTS WHEN SHE LAUGHS AND NO IT’S NOT CUTE BECAUSE SHE LAUGHS A FUCKING LOT AND ITS LIKE AN ENDLESS SEA OF GROSS FUCKING SNORTING AND IT SOUNDS LIKE SHE’S CHOKING.  
CG: WHEN NO ONE RESPONDS TO HER SHITTY CONVERSATION STARTERS SHE’LL JUST REPEAT THEM AND I KNOW THAT I’M SUPPOSED TO RESPOND TO HER BUT I JUST CAN’T SOLLUX I JUST CAN’T LOOK HER IN THE EYE AND HAVE A NORMAL HUMAN CONVERSATION WITH HER BECAUSE I SWEAR TO FUCK THIS GIRL ISN’T HUMAN.  
CG: AND YOU’D THINK THAT’S IT BUT OH BOY BUCKLE UP COWBOY THERE’S MORE.  
TA: well whatever iit ii2 don’t you thiink iit can waiit untiil tomorrow.  
CG: NO IT MOST CERTAINLY CAN FUCKING NOT WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW BECAUSE TOMORROW IS MY FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL AND YOU CAN BET THAT I’M GOING TO HAVE ALL NEW SHIT TO RANT TO YOU ABOUT AND THEN I’LL FORGET ALL ABOUT TODAY’S TRAGEDY AND I NEED TO GET THIS OFF MY CHEST BEFORE I FORGET.  
CG: CAPICHE, CAPTOR?  
CG: …  
CG: …  
CG: ARE YOU DICKING AROUND WITH ME? ANSWER ME RIGHT NOW AND LISTEN TO ALL MY VARIOUS ISSUES.  
CG: …  
CG: …  
CG: …  
CG: …  
CG: …  
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT, IT’S BEEN THIRTY MINUTES. I’M JUST GOING TO GO TO BED. FUCK YOU CAPTOR, I HOPE YOU FEEL GUILTY ABOUT THIS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA] \--


End file.
